According to the legal equality principle, we should all be treated equally by the law. But do you treat yourself as an equal to others? Do you truly feel that you are no better and no worse than other people? Do you enjoy emotional equality? Watching how my 9-year-old son is constantly comparing himself to other kids in spite of the fact that I keep reminding him to focus on his own improvement, I realise that emotional equality is not instinctive, it has to be learned, developed, and mastered. Once mastered, it is liberating.
As discussed in the previous blog post, in Episode 5 of Beautiful Ghosts we talked about how one of the conditions to embrace vulnerability is being okay with who you are (YouTube). Understanding and feeling that no one is better than you and you are better than no one. However, this is easier said than done as several factors conspire against emotional equality. First, we are biologically wired to be status seekers because in the animal world, higher status means higher reproductive success. Second, we have a strong sense of fairness which means when we see that others have more, we feel it is unfair.
As status is wired into us, we will quickly defer and treat as superior people in positions of authority, that have more money, or that have achieved in a particular area. In our eyes, they are more successful and are better than we are. Humans are wired to defer to people that we perceive have higher status. In addition, we also feel it is unfair that other people have more than we do and develop negative emotions in that respect. It is difficult not to feel inferior or worse than others, that “no one is better than you”.
This same instinct for status-seeking will constantly drive us to want to prove that we are better than others. Think of the primate alpha male throwing his weight around and imposing his status and females also behaving in similar ways. Primates are structured in ranks. And I tell you, I’ve had my fair share of working with alphas obsessed with trying to impose themselves. We associate positive emotions to being better than others. Businesses and advertising take advantage of this and are constantly selling “status”. Think about how successful people are treated with such adulation in the media and it is difficult not to want to be one of them. It is difficult not to want to be better than others, to accept that “you are better than no one”. Unfortunately, we spend our lives chasing this carrot.
How do you achieve emotional equality? Is it possible? It is. Yes, other people can be better looking, have more money, and be more successful, but they are not better. They have 20,000 genes, you have 20,000 genes. No matter in which situation you were born or in which situation you are now, you are here to do your best, to enjoy your time, to try things, make mistakes and learn. We are all in the same path. From a big picture perspective, we live in a universe with trillions of stars with a destiny in which humans have little or no role to play. Don’t take life so seriously. Yes, try your best, work hard, and learn. But most importantly enjoy the process, embrace vulnerability, and treat everyone, including yourself, as an equal. Because no one is better than you and you are better than no one. It is true.
Make and impact, Pablo
PS: this post was originally published on Beautiful Ghosts
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay