More than 10 years ago I was looking to move to a new place. I found one I liked, offered to move in, and went to sign the contract. Before signing the contract, the property manager said the landlord wanted to get paid in cash. I thought that was very strange, asked why, and then I thought it should be okay and signed the contract. However, that evening and night I couldn’t stop thinking that I was getting into something very dodgy, I didn’t sleep. For me, there was no other explanation to the fact the landlord wanted to get paid in cash that there was something dodgy about it. My mind continued creating all sorts of stories, I was having an anxiety attack. The next morning, I went to the property manager and I asked to view the contract, when he gave it to me, I nervously ripped off my signature and started walking away. It didn’t matter to me that I was going to lose the bond. I just wanted to get out from this dodgy situation. As I was walking out, the property manager said “Wait! We are going to give you back the bond”. I stopped surprised and thought “What? So, they are not criminals?”.
In Episode 10 of Beautiful Ghosts we discussed Anxiety (YouTube or website). We all feel anxiety. In nature, anxiety is caused by a perceived danger, such as the feeling that a snake may be around. It is the body telling you that you are not safe. In our modern life context, it is a feeling of intense and excessive fear or apprehension and it can be about something specific or for an unknown reason. When Mariana experienced acute anxiety, she felt she couldn’t stop her analytical mind going erratic, couldn’t feel her body except for her heart that was pumping very fast, she was not in control. Why do we get anxiety and how can we deal with it?
More often than not, the problems in our lives are ghosts created by our own minds. During anxiety the mind is making up its own reality. I took one single fact, the landlord wanted to get paid in cash, and transformed it into a huge thing, everything constructed in my mind. There are different reasons that may lead to anxiety such as lack of knowledge, worrying about the future, and perfectionism or lack of self-confidence. Coming back to my story, if I had known that it was legal and okay to get paid rent in cash, I wouldn’t have freaked out. In fact, when I found that out later on, I immediately asked again to rent the place, which surprisingly I got. Lack of knowledge creates uncertainty, allowing the mind to go into erratic mode and make up its own reality. Uncertainty is also connected to worrying about the future. Nico mentioned that the moment you start worrying about the future, you may start feeling anxiety like worrying about your house being set on fire when you are not there, or worrying about a test or job interview. Perfectionism or lack of self-confidence can also lead to anxiety. What if you can’t do something at the standard you and others expect? What will people think about you? The anxiety of public speaking is well known in this category. Finally, there is anxiety disorder caused by previous trauma. Subconsciously, a previous trauma may lead to episodes of feeling that you are not safe. As you can see, the anxiety in all these cases is caused by our own minds, not by a real danger. If the danger is not real, how do you cope with the anxiety?
First, a reality check. If the anxiety is caused by lack of knowledge or uncertainty, check with someone. In my story, when I called an organisation and found out it was okay to be asked to pay rent in cash, all the anxiety was gone. If you are feeling anxious about someone, talk to them. Stop your mind making unwarranted assumptions and snowballing into a full anxiety attack, find out the facts. In the case of excessive worrying about the future, there is not much sense in worrying about something that is outside our control. As long as we have done what is under our control, for example making sure there are no sources of fire in the house, we should be able to accept any consequence. In addition, we can learn from children. Nico realised that his 2-year old son doesn’t have a concept of the future. Focus on the present instead of worrying about an uncertain future. Similarly, with perfectionism and lack of self-confidence, as long as you are trying your best, there is no reason to worry the possibility of making mistakes. These are all rational, self-talk solutions. But Mariana finds all these solutions too rational and that they may not work for some people. She prefers to feel and practice mindfulness.
In particular, how do you deal with acute anxiety for unknown reason? Or how do you deal with anxiety caused by trauma? Apart from the obvious disclaimer that we are not medical doctors or psychiatrists and you should consult one, Mariana has found that meditation helps her calm her body and restore a sense of control. She has also found the writings of Dr. Joe Dispenza very helpful.
Anxiety can affect our ability to enjoy life, which is unwarranted given that in most cases there is no real danger, it is created in our own minds. Whether it is for lack of knowledge, uncertainty about the future, perfectionism, previous trauma, or unknown reason, it should be treated seriously. We have talked about some rational ways to deal with it using self-talk, or in more severe cases using meditation to calm your body and regain a sense of control. As we move into what some call the era of anxiety, it is now more important than ever to have some tools and be ready to deal with the anxiety of modern life.
Make an impact,
Pablo
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Image from Wikimedia Commons.