Overcoming setbacks is one of life’s challenges. We’ve all had setbacks and overcome them at some point or another. But how does one overcome a near-death experience? That is something that not many of us has gone through. Can you imagine how it would feel? How it would change you?
In Episode 17 of Beautiful Ghosts (listen in your favourite podcast app, YouTube, or website) we talked to Pedro, also known as Tosh for his musical talents, who went through such an experience. Tosh suffered a rare condition called Carotid Dissection, a tear in the carotid artery. We dug deep into how he felt through the trauma, how he recovered, and what he learned from the experience.
The Near-Death Experience
About 4 years ago, Pedro travelled to his country of origin, Argentina, for Christmas and New Year celebrations. While he was visiting a friend, he started having difficulties speaking. Later when he was going up the stairs, his friend had to catch him because he started falling down. He couldn’t talk but he was conscious.
He was rushed to hospital but tests did not show anything wrong so he had no diagnosis. Three days later, it happened again. This time a neurosurgeon gave him his diagnosis, Carotid Dissection. He had only had 3 cases like this in his entire career.
The prognosis wasn’t great, only 30% of people survive and the majority of people that survive end up with some disability.
The Physical Recovery
There was nothing that the doctors could do to help him apart from giving him blood thinners. Surgery was not possible. Taking blood thinners meant that it was very easy for him to bruise and in fact he used to have very large bruises throughout his body.
Resting and sleeping was very important. First, he tried to be present and try to help in some way, but the doctor convinced him that resting was his first priority. He took unpaid leave from work and used to sleep the whole night plus 2 naps a day. His physical recovery took 6 months, not to get back to where he was before, but to get to the point where he could start working towards recovering his fitness.
The Emotional Journey
As is to be expected, the emotional journey was very tough. This was a new situation for him as he is used to be the one looking after other people and now other people were looking after him.
His daughters took a central role in his emotional journey. When he had bruises in his body his daughters were not coming close to him which was very hard. Once he managed to get back to work, he found himself in a work meeting thinking that if he had died his youngest daughter would not remember him as she was too young.
How he related to other people changed. Tosh was too sensitive to sensory stimuli and although before the incident he would have described himself as an introvert, his condition made him even more introvert. Sometimes it was difficult for him to have to admit that he needed to leave a place because he needed quiet, but that is how he felt.
His mood became darker. He started feeling people were selfish and this bothered him. Tosh started questioning what was the purpose of being with other people, he thought he would be better isolated in a farm. He felt that the more he knew human beings, the more he liked dogs.
This dark mood served him as inspiration for his music, that became darker, deeper, and as Mariana suggested, even wiser. Apart from music, something else that helped him was the post-traumatic therapy he had for 3 months.
Lessons Learned
One doesn’t go through a near-death experience without learning some valuable lessons and Pedro is no exception. First, there was a re-focus of priorities. Tosh started to focus and spend more time with the people he enjoys the most. He also tends to leave in a high at a social event rather than waiting for the energy to go down.
Pedro also found that we all have more strength than we think we have. We are resilient to setbacks even if the setback affects you physically and emotionally. There is no doubt that his music, his therapy, and the people closest to him were instrumental in his recovery.
Finally, he learned that we need to ask other people for time if we need help, not wait for others to come to us. This makes sense. Other people may not even know what we are going through so we need to approach them and ask for help. As we saw in a more recent episode, other people’s help is key to overcome traumatic events.
This was a very personal story. Mariana, Nico, and I want to thank Tosh for sharing his story with us and our audience. It was something special and it was even more special meeting Tosh in person a few weeks later.
Tosh has a tattoo in his arm. It reads “second chance”. Paraphrasing him, there is no point in denying that a setback happened. Simply admit it and welcome life with open arms when she gives you a second chance.
Make and impact,
Pablo
PS: You can listen to Tosh’s music at toshmusica.bandcamp.com.
Let me know what you think by emailing us or on social media.
This post was originally published in Beautiful Ghosts.
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay