There is a stereotype that South American people have an emotional range that can reach higher levels of intensity, or at least that we are more prone to show and act under those emotions than people from other cultures. The stereotype goes in both directions in terms of negative emotions such as anger, and positive emotions such as love. I am not here to provide support or demystify this stereotype, but I do want to make you reflect about communicating and acting under emotions.
There is no doubt that there is a place for communicating and acting in highly charged emotional states. When your well-being or the well-being of someone you care is in danger, you need to act. Your body releases adrenaline and you go into flight or fight response. The other day we rode the bikes to the city with my wife and my son. We left the bikes chained to a post and went to get some food. When we came back, a guy was trying to pull out a bike from the chain (yes, this can also happen in Auckland!). I got close and said “What’s happening?”, “Is that your bike?” he said. “Yes” I said and I looked at him. He mumbled something and I kept looking at him while adrenaline was flowing through my body. He left.
Acting quickly in that situation prevented someone from trying to steal our bikes. I was angry for a few minutes afterwards and then the emotional state subsided (plus when we finished eating and rode the bikes again, we saw the police had caught the guy a few blocks away, probably he had tried to do something else). Similarly, there is a place to show positive emotions. If you like or love someone, communicating and acting on those emotions is usually a good thing and will lead to positive outcomes (not always, but don’t get me started!).
However, when it comes to situations when you work with other people or you need them in some way to achieve something, acting under high negative emotions will usually backfire. Let’s go back to R.P. McMurphy from “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”. The reason he was put in prison was that he “fights and f..ks too much”. At the psychiatric hospital, he constantly got angry and reached the point to almost choke the nurse to death, which led to a lobotomy and eventually his death. He did not accomplish what he wanted to accomplish. Whether it is at work, with family, or friends, unless you want to finish a relationship, don’t communicate or act under high negative emotions. You will damage the relationship which will not help you. In those situations, calmly communicate, perhaps even say that you are upset, but keep the relationship healthy. This is very important with emails. “Do not send angry emails” is typical, good advice. The problem is that when you are angry you just want to send that email and give them a piece of your mind. I know, I’ve done it. Many times. Always give the email to someone else to read first if you think the email is emotionally charged. They will probably stop you from future regrets.
It is all about looking after the relationships first. I remember reading that Asian cultures are more relationship-oriented while Western cultures are more task-oriented. I am not sure that is true. In the long run, looking after the relationships will usually give you a better chance that your ideas will be accepted and acted upon. So, by all means, be a passionate lover, but when it comes to negative emotions, hold your horses. Do not damage relationships that can help you achieve what you wanted to achieve. Keep working and collaborating with people, even in difficult situations.
Make an impact,
Pablo
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